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Kansas City Chiefs: Deadspin Discusses Why Chiefs Suck

By Leigh Oleszczak

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The Kansas City Chiefs have had a rough go of it over their franchised history, and Deadspin made sure to remind all of their fans why their team sucks.

“Why Your Team Sucks” has returned for the 2016 season, and Drew Magary has finally reached the Kansas City Chiefs in the popular series.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, it’s just as the title suggests. Magary goes through every team in the NFL and merely tells us why that particular team sucks.

Magary begins with the team’s record last year, usually takes a jab at the team for how their season ended, then discusses the head coach and quarterback of each team. He also talks about what’s new to the team that sucks, what’s always sucked, and something about the team that “might not suck”.

Personally, I find these posts to be hilarious, but if you’re a diehard who hates to hear anything bad about your team, then steer clear of these.

More from Kansas City Chiefs

As a lifelong Kansas Cityian, I’ve come to terms with the Chiefs being one of those cursed franchises. I figure it’s better to have a sense of humor about it because without a sense of humor, these Chiefs would have killed me a long time ago.

Hell, one of my favorite posts I ever wrote for this site was last season after the Chiefs blew a close game to the Broncos in week two. All of the frustrations I had after that game made for a nice vent session, which I got to do through KC Kingdom (thanks for reading, everyone… Seriously).

Oh, and if you ended up clicking that link, I wrote that BEFORE the Royals won the World Series so no need to bash me on that comment section or on here.

So, let’s get to the meat of what Magary had to say for why the Kansas City Chiefs are a terrible team. He first drilled Andy Reid for his clock management skills (or lack thereof), in particular the final few minutes of the AFC Divisional game against New England:

"Just thinking about that drive makes me angry, and I don’t even root for this bumbling loser franchise. And do you know what the worst part of it all was? That Reid DEFENDED it."

The hate didn’t stop there though. Next up: Alex Smith.

"One day, Alex Smith is gonna conduct a 38-play drive that lasts an entire half and ends in a missed field goal. It will be his masterpiece. The other team will subsequently score six touchdowns within the first three minutes of the second half."

I’m a fairly big Alex Smith fan and this still made me laugh pretty hard. Smith gets a bad rap when it comes to throwing the football and he rarely lights the scoreboard up. A lot of people have negative opinions on him, but after reading a lot of these “Why Your Team Sucks” posts, the Chiefs don’t have it bad at quarterback at all.

The what’s new that sucks section bashes the team for giving Eric Fisher a new contract and also for drafting Tyreek Hill.

The “what’s always sucked” section gets on Jamaal Charles for his injury history.

"Look, Jamaal Charles is gonna get hurt again. And even if he doesn’t get hurt, he’s gonna fumble the ball away when it will hurt YOU the most. That’s how Jamaal Charles works. I’m over him. He’s never doing that Priest Holmes impression again."

The part where Magary disses the actual city kind of irked me, but only because I was born and raised in Kansas City. I’ve watched this city grow so much from when I was a kid and I’ve taken a lot of pride in my hometown. It’s just tough to see someone blasting it, but at least he took St. Louis down with us.

"You guys should get down on your knees and thank Christ that you share a state with St. Louis, otherwise the rest of the world would focus on YOUR trashiness."

Sadly, Drew Magary didn’t have anything realistic that might not suck. It was a mural that is in Kansas and then he points out that the Chiefs play in Missouri. So it goes.

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In last year’s post, Magary said something that still sticks with me to this day. It was about how the Chiefs aren’t destined for greatness, but are only around to provide those big moments for other teams. He mentioned how “the Chiefs never get the girl” and also how Arrowhead Stadium is a dump.

At least there wasn’t one particular play that eliminated the Chiefs from the playoffs this season. We’ve been an easy team to dog on over the years due to our tendency to implode in the postseason.

I’ll just remind everyone reading this that these “Why Your Team Sucks” posts are meant to be funny. Yes, the articles are poking fun at our beloved KC Chiefs, but like I said above, it’s best to have a sense of humor about these things. Don’t take it too hard or life is going to be a rough ride for you.

Next: Ten Worst Chiefs Seasons Ever

The comment section at the end of the post isn’t for the faint of heart, as 90% of it is spent discussing the heartbreak that the Chiefs have endured during the playoffs over the years. It took a lot out of me not to throw my phone out the window and burst into tears at some of them.

Again, these articles are a joke and Drew Magany does these for every NFL team (including his favorite team – the Vikings). Not only that, but he’s been writing these for several years now.

I highly recommend checking out the other posts because the only thing funnier than laughing at your own team’s misery, is laughing at other teams’ misery.

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