Kansas City Chiefs: Deadspin explains why the Chiefs suck

Growing up as a Kansas City Chiefs fan, I’ve come to know that this is a team never destined for greatness. That’s why when Deadspin releases their “Why Your Team Sucks” articles, I always get a good chuckle out of the Chiefs edition.

Don’t get me wrong, Chiefs fans. I’m grateful that our Kansas City Chiefs have put on a fun show over the last four seasons, but sometimes, it seems like it’s all for nothing. The Chiefs will have a good regular season and then “Chief it” in the playoffs (Chief it means to royally screw up in only the way that the Chiefs seem capable of doing).

I’m 26 years old and in my lifetime, the KC Chiefs have only won four playoff games, and three of those occurred when I wasn’t old enough to celebrate them. The last playoff win happened in January of 2016 when I was 25. I went 22 years without seeing Kansas City win a postseason game in football.

As such, I’ve always been able to poke fun at my NFL team. The Chiefs are the team who always seems to give other teams their memorable moments and their memorable runs. They never are the ones who get all the glory at the end of the day. I’ve come to terms with that.

That’s why when Drew Magary of Deadspin does his annual “Why Your Team Sucks” posts and his Kansas City Chiefs edition comes out, I always laugh pretty hard. This year’s edition wasn’t nearly as fun as the previous two years, but Magary still hit the nail on the head here.

Each team’s edition consists of what last season was like, the head coach, the quarterback, “what’s new that sucks”, “what has always sucked”, “Did you know?”, and “What might not suck”. I’ve decided to take portions from each section and let you all have a good laugh (Warning: If you aren’t able to laugh at the Chiefs’ misfortunes as a franchise, then I’d suggest stop reading now):

2016 Season

"Every year, there’s a five-minute window where TV people are like, “You know, the Chiefs may very well be the best team in the AFC!” and then we all have good hearty laugh.I wanna take you back to that Steelers game for the moment, because it was the most Chiefs loss possible. Every time I think the Chiefs can’t lose in Chiefs-ier fashion, they outdo themselves."

This is so true because WE ALL BUY INTO IT. Every year, I’m convinced that the KC Chiefs are going to make a deep run and make all of us proud. Last December, I told someone that the Chiefs were going to win the Super Bowl. When they once again got eliminated from the playoffs in the first round, I avoided talking to that person at all costs out of embarrassment. Sports, man…

Head Coach

"Joining Andy Reid and the Chiefs together may be God’s cruelest act. Together, they regularly discover entirely new dimensions of choking."

I’m glad to have Andy Reid in Kansas City, but he does have a tendency to lose some pretty stupid games in the stupidest of ways. The Chiefs have always been known for that. Match made in heaven, right?

It makes me laugh knowing that there’s SOMETHING awful for every team in the league. Some organizations just have it worse than others though.

Quarterback

"“Manager” implies someone who does things. Managers file reports and stuff! No no, Alex Smith is more of a vestigial side dish to any football game. He’s the little paper cup of coleslaw that comes with every order. He’s pleasantly worthless."

Poor Alex. For what it’s worth, I like Alex Smith, but I am in the camp of it being time to move on from him after this year. Magary didn’t just go after Smith, but after Chiefs rookie quarterback Patrick Mahomes as well.

"Anyway, if I know Andy Reid, he will A) sit Mahomes for so long that your balls explode and you die from screaming at every shot of Mahomes lingering on the sideline with a clipboard, and B) fashion Mahomes into a robotic pocket passer who will only throw the ball 10 yards or longer if a fire breaks out. Just like Alex Smith!"

Haha, so I guess Mahomes didn’t really get trashed much in this article, which is nice to see actually. It’s cool that even someone slamming the Chiefs in this post didn’t have many bad things to say about Mahomes. What a time to be alive.

More from KC Kingdom

The “What’s New That Sucks” portion mainly just touched on the new general manager and how Mahomes is going to be on the sidelines while the “What’s Always Sucked” section points out that Kansas residents and Missouri residents are used to their football team letting them down.

“Did You Know” includes a video of Chiefs fans and Raiders fans fighting because, of course. “What Might Not Suck” is about Tyreek Hill and how he’s fun to watch, but his violent history makes people not want him to succeed.

The last section is from Chiefs fans sending in their stories and complaints about their favorite team. I’ve wanted to participate in this for the last few years, but never know where I can send my submission(s) for my misery. I have a great story from the 2012 season that I’m hoping to submit for next year’s edition.

Anyway, I enjoy these Deadspin posts and not just the one for the Chiefs, but for all of the NFL teams. It makes me laugh knowing that there’s SOMETHING awful for every team in the league. Some organizations just have it worse than others though.

The KC Chiefs might not have a Super Bowl appearance since the late 1960s, but they’ve been a good team these last few years and that’s more than the Cleveland Browns or New York Jets have gotten from their teams.

Home/Kansas City Chiefs