Kansas City Royals: A horror movie for each season of the past decade

2013

Kansas City Royals: 86-76

Movie: 1980’s The Shining

Let’s quickly recast two key roles of Stanley Kubrick’s classic horror movie adapted from the novel of the same name by Stephen King:

• Jack Nicholson is out as tormented writer and caretaker of The Overlook, Jack Torrance. Replacing him: the 2013 Kansas City Royals.
• Danny Lloyd is no longer Danny Torrance. Instead, the American League Central is cast as Jack’s young son.

In 2013, the Royals finally made their big jump, increasing their win total by 14 games and finishing with a winning record for the first time since 2003. But despite hunting down their foes in the American League, the Royals still fell short of the playoffs, finishing five games back of the second wild card spot. They just couldn’t keep up with teams like the Rays, Indians, and Rangers, all of whom finished ahead of them in the playoff chase.

It’s just like Jack Torrance, really. After spending so much time in the harsh Colorado winter alone, caring for a hotel that wants nothing less than his soul for all eternity, struggling to write, and losing his mind, Jack goes full on ballistic, attempting to murder his wife and son. Though he fails to take them down with him, he does manage to take out one Dick Hallorann*, The Overlook’s regular season cook.

*In the novel, he lives. A younger version of Hallorann also shows up in the novel IT. I could talk King novels and connections for days.

Think now to Nicholson’s most famous scene as Torrance: as he takes an ax to a door in an attempt to get to his wife, Wendy. “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.” This is just like the Royals trying to knock down the door to the American League Central.

And much like Torrance runs out of steam in the hedge maze at the end, freezing to death, the 2013 Kansas City Royals ran out of steam, too, failing to end their postseason drought.