Kansas City Royals: A horror movie for each season of the past decade

2010

Kansas City Royals: 67-95

Movie: 1992’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer

While it spawned a television show that debuted in 1997 and lasted for 145 episodes (of which I saw exactly zero), the movie version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is rarely talked about. Why is that? It’s a fun, campy horror flick that came out way ahead of a bunch of other vampire flicks (though Bram Stoker’s Dracula came out the same year).

And it starred some big names, too, including Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Luke Perry, and Pee-Wee Herman. David Arquette, Hillary Swank, and, of course, Kristy Swanson also starred.

Here’s the connection I see between that movie and a Royals team that finished with 95 losses to start the new decade:

The Royals, after two years of ineptitude, decided to part ways with manager Trey Hillman after a 12-23 start, handing the manager gig to Ned Yost. In Buffy, about midway through the movie, Hauer’s Lothos stabs in the heart Sutherland’s Merrick (who had been mentoring Buffy), killing him.

After Merrick dies, it’s up to Buffy to quickly grow up (she’s a high-school-cheerleader-turned-vampire-slayer, obvs) and take on Lothos as well as his army of undead.

Aside from the undead part, that’s nearly identical to what happened to Yost: he had to step it up immediately to lead the youngster Royals as they battled opponents in the American League Central with considerably deeper pockets and better players.

Although Buffy does it much more quickly than does Yost (the movie’s run time is under an hour-and-a-half), both eventually slay (!) the villain.