Kansas City Royals: A horror movie for each season of the past decade

2019

Kansas City Royals: 59-103

Movie: 2009’s Drag Me to Hell

What’s worse than being killed while stuck in a doggy door in a garage door?

(By the way, I have never before, in real life, seen a doggy door in a garage. Is that a thing? Or was that just made up by the creators of Scream?)

Being dragged to hell, of course. That’s much, much, much worse. That’s probably the worst thing that can happen to you.

And that’s exactly what happens at the end of the aptly titled Drag Me to Hell, a very underrated horror flick that is evidently ten years old and makes me feel very old. For a while there, the viewer doesn’t think that Alison Lohman’s Christine will actually, you know, get dragged down to hell.

But then at the very end, like a team without any pitching whose general manager is insistent that they can compete and they really, extremely do not compete, the ground opens up at the end of this movie, and down below goes Christine.

Poor Justin Long, am I right?

This past season for the Royals seemed long, never-ending, and, well, downright hellacious. Hopefully this current rebuild doesn’t last nearly as long as Christine’s stay in hell, which I’m guessing is for eternity.

But with the Royals, you can never tell.